I Walk Like It's Water
“Theres no handle! What are we gonna do!!!”
“Nour, calm down it's ok I can still do it.”
I held my breath for a very long time. What if he falls? I just know he will. Itty-bitty me was the only thing he was holding on to, and I was trying hard not to imagine what would happen if he fell. What if I can't carry him? What if he falls on me and I suffocate? I wasn't sure why I was being so dramatic about this and he was sooo calm, just unbothered by the whole thing. His "support" partner was a nervous wreck.
Imagine living your regular everyday life like you normally do. Grocery shopping, dancing, skateboarding, or other American-style things that Americans everywhere do. Now imagine waking up one morning, realizing your legs died. They’re physically there. But no motion is happening. You can’t move. Now imagine having a tube gone through your throat, twice; The price of pain to try and fix the problem, imagine having your eyes stitched shut because they couldn’t do it on their own and the result of that was having dry eyes and temporary blindness. Imagine being abandoned by those “ton” of friends who were supposedly your all. Imagine being dumped by your girlfriend because she didn’t want to have to be responsible for you, because you’ve become a burden in her eyes.
We take the most basic things in the world for granted, hence my title for this entry. We (or at least I) never stop to think about things like walking, drinking Coke, sleeping a solid 9 hours, or breathing. These things are just there, and we assume they work the way they’re supposed to and nothing will change that, plain and simple. The next time you consider waking up in the morning, think about what it will take you to get to the bathroom, what body parts you’ll need to use to brush your teeth, how are you going to change your clothes, and your ability swallow you breakfast.
My friend teaches about finding this type of joy, despite the curses you are given.
“Nour, calm down it's ok I can still do it.”
I held my breath for a very long time. What if he falls? I just know he will. Itty-bitty me was the only thing he was holding on to, and I was trying hard not to imagine what would happen if he fell. What if I can't carry him? What if he falls on me and I suffocate? I wasn't sure why I was being so dramatic about this and he was sooo calm, just unbothered by the whole thing. His "support" partner was a nervous wreck.
One step left. One step right. Very slowly, and a little shaky. Pushing the wheelchair in front of me, he had his arm around my backpack for support next to me. He was doing it; he was really putting it all out there. He was walking!
Imagine living your regular everyday life like you normally do. Grocery shopping, dancing, skateboarding, or other American-style things that Americans everywhere do. Now imagine waking up one morning, realizing your legs died. They’re physically there. But no motion is happening. You can’t move. Now imagine having a tube gone through your throat, twice; The price of pain to try and fix the problem, imagine having your eyes stitched shut because they couldn’t do it on their own and the result of that was having dry eyes and temporary blindness. Imagine being abandoned by those “ton” of friends who were supposedly your all. Imagine being dumped by your girlfriend because she didn’t want to have to be responsible for you, because you’ve become a burden in her eyes.
Imagine needing to start living your life all over again, a good fresh start you say? Maybe. But what if you had to start it all over again without the ability to walk?
Honestly, if this were anyone else, I would say suicide would have been very possible. Its takes A LOT of guts, to go on a track, where everyone there is running to the highest speed, and you proudly get off your wheel chair and walk slower than a turtle, shakier than a vibrator, and a smile bigger than the happiest person in the world, side by side to those runners.
Honestly, if this were anyone else, I would say suicide would have been very possible. Its takes A LOT of guts, to go on a track, where everyone there is running to the highest speed, and you proudly get off your wheel chair and walk slower than a turtle, shakier than a vibrator, and a smile bigger than the happiest person in the world, side by side to those runners.
We take the most basic things in the world for granted, hence my title for this entry. We (or at least I) never stop to think about things like walking, drinking Coke, sleeping a solid 9 hours, or breathing. These things are just there, and we assume they work the way they’re supposed to and nothing will change that, plain and simple. The next time you consider waking up in the morning, think about what it will take you to get to the bathroom, what body parts you’ll need to use to brush your teeth, how are you going to change your clothes, and your ability swallow you breakfast.
My friend teaches about finding this type of joy, despite the curses you are given.
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