Wonders of Abused Minds — PART I

No matter where you go, no matter what you do, no matter what personality, or what nationality, no matter how gay, or how polite, no matter how faithful, or honest, no matter how much they tell you, no matter how much flowers they bring you, I’ve discovered that its universal thing everywhere: boys will be boys. I mean it in the worst way possible.

“But he said he was sorry!”
“But I love him so much”
“But he’s just so confused”

But, but, but. Excuses, excuses, excuses. If they really love, if they really meant to bring you those flowers because he actually CARED, then they wouldn’t lie, deceive, or cheat. Should relationships have different expectations than friendships? Where do these “automatic” excuses and reasons for other people’s bad actions come from? Are you SO desperate to be with this person that you will put whatever reason, no matter how bizarre or crazy, just to try and convince yourself to stay for the hell of it? 

Staying is hard. Really hard, and I continue to struggle with this concept because as hard as staying is, leaving feels worse.

People make stupid mistakes all the time, and mistakes can be fixed. But cheating is not a mistake, neither is lying, manipulating, deceiving, or dishonesty on an ongoing basis. This now becomes intentional space. It's like when I would borrow my brother's laptop without telling him, if I got caught, I would say I made a mistake and that I won't do it again. But it's not a mistake, I knew what I was doing, it was intentional space. 

"Maybe he's just under a lot of pressure right now, that's why he snapped."

Maybe.

OR, maybe we should not think it's ok to have intimate partner violence rampage our peaceful homes and threaten our hallways. It's important to act on what feels safest, but no need to stay because of your  perceived self-worth. On this one, I agree with Taylor Swift, who said "Don't forget to love, before you fall."